Josh Ziering

And so ends this chapter.

2004-02-05T01:30:00.000-05:00

I made www.myauntishot.com operational today. It will have all of the excellent blog goodness you've come to expect here, but with much more content, and some really innovative new features. Please, update your bookmarks, and change your links. New Look, same great taste. Now even crunchier!

-Josh

18 Hours and 2 Naps Later...

2004-01-26T20:31:00.000-05:00

Monday nights are so boring. Their is no good television on ... well ... CSI: Miami, but that's a cut below the other stuff I usually watch. I'm so bored, I'm sitting here listening to my Police scanner. Their is a lot of screwed up stuff that goes on in our little town. The most memorable one I've ever heard was this one where the operator was like, "4-19 We have a report of a man with a gun in a brown paper bag in the vicinity of Dunkin Donuts on Springfield ave, He says he wants to hurt himself or others"

Regaurdless, I still like that dunkin donuts, and it's brother Blimpie.

I'm really tired of this snow stuff.

-Josh

Habia una vez...

2004-01-26T02:24:00.000-05:00

It's 2:00am and I JUST finished my spanish midterm. It's due in 11 hours. It was sooo stupid. It was a Flash Animation that was 5 minutes long with poor dubbing and poor quality. ... If it get's anything less than an A, I'm going to throw a shit fit. It's a matter of principle now. Since ... regaurdless what the midterm gets, I still fail.

I saw "The Butterfly Effect" last night. It was really good.

Tomorrow, I have only one midterm, Health. Now, I think if I can pass this midterm, I can pass anything. After all, Where else can you be quizzed on such valuable information as avoiding VD.

Also, I went to the "Special Dance Sleepover" this weekend. It was a huge party, with like 400 people. It was really good. I don't recall all that much, but it was really good. I danced. A lot. A lottttttt. More than I usually dance (very little). (Secretyl, I had A LOT of fun dancing. Sooo much fun) Really, the most vivid memory of the weekend I have is sitting on her couch in the basement, with an empty bag of potato chips, at 5:30am deciding whether or not I was going to be sick. (I ate a large majority of said bag, and had a couple( .... ) of drinks.) I decided not. I never would have slept over if it weren't for Jorge` suggesting it. The J-hey-man scores another one.

They are calling for snow again tonight. Fuck WiNtER!
(Though secrety, I pray for a snow day)

-Josh

Meh

2004-01-20T20:08:00.000-05:00

Failed spanish for the year today. Cuts. Meh.

I don't feel like myself. Something is missing. Perhaps a passing grade in spanish? Nah. I suspect it's more than that.
-Josh

Go Snow Go!

2004-01-15T17:45:00.000-05:00

Snow day today. It was an excellent turn of events to wake up at 9:36, and instead of worrying about whether I'll make it to my 9:53 on time, I simply turned over and went back to sleep.

When I finally did get up, I tore through my backlog of Tivo-ed television shows. I watched last nights, "The OC", a few "Family Guy" episodes, a Seinfeld, and a "Cops" from like 1991. All in all, I COMLETELY wasted the afternoon. Though I did manage to fit in a tuna melt (all time favorite food) and a trip to Wendy's before darkness set in.

Now, Im going out to pick up chinese food for my family. What a productive day.

-Josh-

(Go Snow Go!)

I don't like where I'm going, but I'm not happy with where I am.

2004-01-14T13:23:00.001-05:00

A small synopsis of my candid life:

I hate Columbia High School.

I hate a large percentage of my teachers, at, Columbia High School.

I feel uncontrollably ill when I am in Columbia High School.

It's too cold to even walk to the car.

I'm kind of sad.

If I thought there was a bomb that could disseminate intelligence, I would set it off right in the 2 floor of the A wing. BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM ...Then people would be smart. People would walk on the right, and go in the right doors, and not bump into you, and not hassle you about the definition of coitus interruptus and realize, that yes, Puppets are gay.

*End Cliche` Blog Entry*

I thought it would show temerity if I tried to show a synopsis of my life ... 9 Months from now:

I love Arizona State University.

I love my professors, and they make me motivated to work hard for them.

I have a sun tan, and a non-nerdy pair of sunglasses.

There is an amazing party scene, and I have fun things to do every weekend.

I have a tolerable job that provides some sort of satisfaction.

I have an amazing girlfriend who likes some of the same things I do.

I have a good idea of what I want my major to be, and what I want to do with myself the next couple of years.

Everyday is beautiful, and I've become a damn good R/C Plane pilot.

I sleep well.

I eat well at some of the Great Restaurants in Tempe Arizona.

I feel calm.

I'm happy.

Stranger things have happened.

-Josh

No biggie...

2004-01-12T19:28:00.000-05:00

It's true, I've discovered Wendy's true idnetity, forget your notions of white little girls with pigtails ...

Many people would be upset by such a thing, But i say ...

And finally, the only downside to a drive through .... Cold bathrooms...

-Josh

The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me was Finding a Way to Get on This Ship...

2004-01-08T13:40:00.000-05:00

Unjustice runs rampant in our hallways. Take for example, A tall lanky boy in dire need of a green slip. Now, this isn't just any REGULAR green slip. My very graduation DEPENDS on this green slip. Apparently my Health Teacher, Nancy Ettinger, got smart to me sleeping through school and not showing her my green slips. (Quite the scam, I know.) I wrote ... errr My parents wrote a note exhonerating me of these so called 'abscences' and I thought I would be good. Afterall, I receive the same call to my house day after day....

"Your *Twelth* grade *MALE* is absent from school today, Please contact the Deans office to rectify..."

I was shocked to find that my note was of little use. The office required a call from my parents. So this morning, over a leisurely breakfast at The Bagel Chateau, I called that guidance office. I spoke with authority, and I had them believing that their was some sort of clerical error. I had it in the bag.

Well, I thought I had it bagged until I went in there to pick up my precious. The lady behind the green slip counter, Who I even said "Bless you" too when no one else did, is evil. I don't even believe people need blessing when they sneeze, and I totally told her that she should be blessed. But I digress... She told me that even though I had a note and a phone call asserting my absence, They did not have me recorded as absent that day. I reminded her of the phone call I so dutifully receive every day and she went into a ten minute shpeal about how I should attend second period. ... I have some things I'd like that ... Fabulous lady ... to attend to. Regaurdless, They had me recorded as absent on the 12th, and 10th ... The days that are on either side of the day I really need. She agreed to give me a slip for the 19th and the twelth. Angrily, I begin to storm out after she informs me the teacher is under no obligation to take my green slip, and that because I have such a gem, I would have to pay for it with 6 hours of detention because I was past the Green Slip Grace Period. In line behind me was Ashley, So I decided to angrily wait around for her to get her green slip.

OH! What do you know!? She needs a slip for the same days I do. She was in the EXACT SAME SITUATION I WAS. And do you know what this lady did? She gave her a slip for the 11th!! I needed a slip for the 11th! SHE EVEN SAW ME STANDING THERE. And I swear as much as I am sitting here right now that SHE GAVE ME THE EVIL EYE.

Well, I'm not done with them. I avoided crisis by getting one legitimate absence out of the way, I'm not going to fail health. I just need to pass English, and pass health, And I can get off this sinking vessel.

Tragedy is the mother of invention.

-Josh

The Cola Strikes Back

2004-01-06T19:03:00.001-05:00

News travels. Apparently big cups of soda have a vengeful side. I was eating a late dinner at a one Taco Bell on Morris Ave. Since Harry and Josh had their trays perpendicular to the table, I had to leave my tray tetering off of the lip of the table. At some point in the conversation, I had a revelation and it required me leaning in closer so as not to tip off people sitting in the other tables. At this juncture, the drink, realizing my weakness sprung forward from the tray and struck me... Maybe taco bell wasn't the Best place for Drinks.

Operation: Gigantic Cola

2004-01-04T16:59:00.000-05:00

A man, A plan .... One Morbidly obese cup of soda ....

A recent trip to Wendy's found me eating a homestyle chicken strips value meal. I accidentally agreed to a practice called 'Value Sizing' Apparently, since this is America, Value = GIGANTIC. They gave me a bucket of Cola. ...Coca Cola for that matter. Now, I know Wendy's has free refills, But why would I ever need such a thing?

Realizing that this MASSIVE Volume of soda would go to waste if I didn't drink it, I set to work. It took a little over a half hour, and it was not easy. But, I'm proud to say, Yes, I conquered the monster. The world is once again safe.

All in all, a good way to end an EXCELLENT Vacation. (See below)

-Josh Ziering-

What it's like to have an awesome vacation:

2004-01-03T15:48:00.000-05:00

What an AMAZING Vacation. Sadly, today is the last day. I'm going to make full use of it though. I've already sat here and ate a half gallon of ice cream. If that's not productivity, I don't know WHAT is. I've seen two great movies, Pay Check and Peter Pan, I've been to an awesome party, I've been accepted to an awesome college, I've worked like a beaten sled dog, and here I am, Ready to take on the world.

On New Years I found myself at JPLees. I was never really a fan of this place, but it was really good. I always feel so weird picking out what I am going to eat, That's what menus are for! It was a really good dinner nonetheless.

After much deliberating, we decided the best course of action would be to return to Jorge's house and decide what to do from there. We spent about an hour just sitting around with Michael Jackson blaring. I began to feel trapped. I insisted Jorge call Adam so we could see if he was doing anything. Sure enough, their was a party at Karen Pi's House. She's really cool to have such a banging party. Jorge and Matt and Megan and myself all went. The only casualties were a couple of those candle bags ... The party was SOO good, this is the only picture I can show without feeling bad. I think that's a Mr. Rob Grohman hiding behind Naomi.

The party was amazing. I had a good time anyway. I met a lot of fun new people. Their is a bigger party contingent in our school than one would think...Which is excellent.

After the party, I went and slept over Ashley's. I wouldn't really call it sleeping though .... I was passed out like a motherfucker. I think that's what I would call it. Yeah. Passed out like a mother fucker. I woke up the next day at like 11 o'clock. ...You know you had a good time last night when you wake up sleeping in your clothes with your coat balled up as a pillow and your zipper poking you in the eye and you look like this:

Anyhow, What a great vacation. And I finally found a piece of software to automatically size down my BIG ASS Fucking pictures my camera takes. ...I'm just too lazy and stupid to do computer stuffs anymore.

-Josh

Merry Christmas ...Everyone

2003-12-25T18:57:00.000-05:00

As of 6:56 Eastern Standard Time, Joshua Brett Ziering, was admitted to Arizona State University Main Campus.

What a great Christmas present.

-Josh-

T Minus 72 Hours

2003-12-24T16:02:00.000-05:00

After consulting the ASU site today, I find:

Your application status will be available in 72 hours. Please check this site 3 days from now.

The countdown begins.

-Josh-

Tonight on Fox: When HAx00rs Call Tech Support.

2003-12-21T18:10:00.000-05:00

It happens to the best of us. ...Hell, It even happened to me. I screwed up. Computers are just such complicated little things, yet so deceptively simple. It was a long time coming. Today, I spent, ...in total... 4 and a half hours on the phone with tech support. Now, admittedly, half of this time was on hold, but that's still a lot. On a normal day I'm sure it could have been up to 8 hours with all the hold time. Remember, today was Sunday and I experienced barely any wait time. So, I learned two simple things: If you are setting up AOL For BroadBand Using DSL and a router, Your PPOE Settings need to be: Username: Your master AOL email address, ie, JoshZ1286@aol.com and your password is the password you would use for that account. NOTE: I found out none of that from Tech Support. They are idiots. I ended up stumbling on a lot of it myself.

Just a small update for now, But I have big news....Someone in my family ... though she's not really anymore has become a professional football player. ... I think she might be the first football playing jew ever ....

-Josh-

More searching, More finding.

2003-12-17T22:43:00.000-05:00

So apparently the searches for Ziering and jail were pertinent. A house keeper of my Uncle was stealing from him. She was sentenced to a year in jail today. I remember hearing about this in my family a while back ... it was just a sad thing then. Now it's even sadder.

A quick search of Google News yields many results:

http://news.google.com/news?hl=en&edition=us&q=Ziering&btnG=Search+News
http://www.iht.com/articles/121880.htm
http://www.antimusic.com/news/03/dec/item39.shtml

I'm not sure if I ever met this woman when I was out visiting him. I don't think I ever did. From what I recall, anyone that he ever hired to work in his house was always really nice to me. I was like 12 last time I was out there.... but yeah, nobody was like ... you snobby little child or anything.

I think it's just a sad situation for all involved. I'm kind of sad that my family knew and didn't mention this to me ... They'd rather I'd find out from looking at my Blog referrals apparently.

-Josh Ziering-

Ziering, Now an adjective says Bill Simmons, Writer for Jimmy Kimmel show and ESPN Columnist.

2003-12-17T22:28:00.000-05:00

After seeing someone do a search for "Ziering going to jail" I was intrigued follow up on this. My page was infact first on the list (A first) BUT more important I stumbled on an article comparing the OC to 90210. The writer uses 'Ziering' to describe a lead actor. I suppose it could be a verb too ... see for yourself.

From http://espn.go.com/page2/s/simmons/030815.html

...Q: Do you think "The OC" has "Beverly Hills: 90210" potential? -- Joe Dyton, Trenton, N.J.

Fox's "The OC" has great potential ... but it's no "Melrose" or "90210."
SG: Potentially. The pilot was tremendous -- I haven't enjoyed bad TV that much since the heyday of "Melrose Place." They incorporated elements of "90210," "The Karate Kid" and just about every '80s movie ever made (evil boyfriends, hot chicks falling for soft-spoken outcasts, the whole shebang). It's extremely well-done (the first two episodes were directed by Doug Liman, who also did "Swingers" and "Go"). The acting was just good enough that it didn't detract from the show. Everyone looked good, which is always important. There were just enough holes in the plot that it made you think, "Hey, wait a second ..." And the music was perfect.

Of course. I see a few problems here. First of all, the pilot was considerably better than the second show. That scares me. Second, the lead actor (Benjamin McKenzie) is a little too old to be playing a 16-year-old outcast. He's fine now, but in two years, he could go Ziering on us. Third, in the second episode, one of the characters fondly remembers watching the Pistons-Lakers Finals in "'86." Just an egregious mistake. Makes me wonder if the writers are paying attention.

But here's the big thing: None of the "OC" actors -- with the possible exception of the Aryan boyfriend -- are bad enough to rate on the Unintentional Comedy Scale, an integral part of 90210's success. Remember David Silver singing and dancing, Tori Spelling's cleavage (which looked like a a thumbprint in a pound of ground beef), Noah Hunter rattling out his lines like his mouth was on fire, or every scene with Ian Ziering? Remember Dr. Michael Mancini on "Melrose," or the immortal Andrew Shue? I'm not sure "The OC" has these things, which brings it closer to "Dawson's Creek" than anything. And that was the problem with "Dawson" -- it always took itself too seriously. That's why I didn't like that show. Josh Jackson stumbling through his lines can only go so far.

Anyway, my jury's still out on "The OC." After two weeks, I can only give it a 15 out of 10. We'll see if that changes. And if you don't like it ... well, "Welcome to the SG, bitch."

It's great to have a name that carries so much ............... dignity.

-Josh Ziering-

Melting snow and more UGPISS Success

2003-12-17T17:24:00.000-05:00

As I sit here typing this from the cafe where I work, I realize, Operation UGPISS reaches farther than just my blog, or a couple of punks looking to google for Soul Caliber porn. I, have infiltrated Google now to such a point that I receive FIRST PAGE listings on some searches. For example, if one were to search for "Paris Hilton Wearing Sunglasses" they would find my page number 3. That's AMAZING. As to why people are searching for such a thing, I know not. Also, I have monopolized the 'skank searches' from other towns. With all the slander and crap I have on here about girls from other towns, I often get top listings on google for such searches as 'naked girl from millburn' or 'verona skank' Yes, such things are trivial and probably worthless, but nothing like this hath brought me such happiness before.

On Saturday night I had my birthday party. I had a ground breaking 6 or 7 people show up. It was really good. I did way too much preparation for such a small party, but whatever. Pizza doesn't spoil, right? (Pictures of the party are being edited still.)

My students for the class I teach either failed to show up, or suddenly looked very worried and left early. This normally would be a sad event for me, as I need the bucks, but with the imminent release of LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING, It's a joyous event. Also, their is a brand new The OC on tonight. I was listening to Howard Stern the other day, and apparently Marissa is only 17 years old. This makes me feel especially bad as I am sure their are other people in the world running their own "Operation: UGPISS" and they might be seeing hits from ... a certain someone ... looking for Naked pictures of Marissa from The OC.

-Josh

Welcome Snow and UGPISS Success

2003-12-05T19:16:00.000-05:00

Snow has returned. Though this isn't the first snow of the season, it's the first BIG snow of the season. The weater forecasters are forecasting 9-14 inches. For me, this is not so good. I have like 3 airplanes ready to go and be flown. Though, if the wind calms down, I'll fly in the snow. Nothing looks cooler than snown being thrown everywhere my an airplane in a hover mere inches in the ground.

Today, I took this really cool picture. It goes with the whole theme of my blog. As josh is backward, welcome is backwards. It's awesome only because it was snowing. On any other day it would have been significantly less good.

Today was nuts. Mr. Seldin was absent, so it was like ... Let's wander. I wandered the whole period. It was pretty good. CHS really has a lot of classes going on at one time. It's kind of mind boggling such an institution can exist.

After school, it took me and Ashley like 20 minutes to get to my house from school. The important factoid here would be that it would have taken 15 minutes to walk. Which, is really reasonable.

I'm quitting my job, and doing the school musical.

Operation UGPISS (See last post) is a success. I have gotten 3 or for people looking for Paris Hilton Naked sex video tape! Now, they were from weird countries and had some weird domain names ... and they definitely went all the way to Page 7 of the results in their search, which I consider "No man's land" BUT they made it to my page. Something about the fact that when people type in Paris Hilton Naked and they see my blog makes me happy.

UGPISS is a go.

-Josh

Top 10 Reasons TV has gone to hell in a handbasket ....

2003-12-04T19:33:00.000-05:00

...And the number one reason is ....

Courtesy of: www.locodanny.com

God help us all.

P.S. Operation "Using Google People to Inflate Site Statistics" a.k.a "Operation UG-PISS" was a terrible failure. Their was one lonely soul looking for Naked Soul Caliber girls. It's for him I feel the most sorry. (If it's a her though...)

2003-12-03T10:23:00.000-05:00

Whoa ...

2003-12-02T22:07:00.000-05:00

Whoa ... It's been a while. This blog is meeting it's demise. I bought 'Zierox.com' and I plan on making it a blogging empire of sorts. I also got a bitching new camera. ...I've been using it for Paris Hilton type activities ... err ... Uhh ... Photographing things. I never realized all the weird shit I see. This picture is ironic, They say how easy it is to do business with them on the side of the truck ... but it looks like they are the ones trying to make it easy for themselves.

And then one more of my smelly beast:

Naked Cabrone Soul Caliber ... Spanish?

2003-10-06T21:55:00.000-04:00

Bloody fucking hell. The internet is full of perverts. I leave my blog to rot for a month, and I come back to 500 hits. The sad part is that only a few of them were from interested people. A huge (and I mean GIGANTIC) percentage of them were from people on google looking for Naked Soul Caliber Pictures, or for people wanting to know what Cabrone means in spanish. Luckily, I can oblige to both of these requests. I am just choosing not to. Personally, I think Link is one sexy ass guy. Their were also some other interesting searches about people looking for a Blog in Maplewood New Jersey. Sweet.

So, allow me to fill you in one month later about how much more awesome my life has become. If I were to summarize it, It'd go something like this.

A new awesome job at Net Nomad's Cafe

I'm only failing one class so far this year! (This, is a HUGE accomplishment)

I'm in the 2003 Production of the "Laramie Project" for Columbia High School.

Somehow I have become a Dancing Goat addict.

I applied early action to Arizona State University.

Ok, That out of the way. I experienced an interesting event this weekend. Now, I am sure that in some way my level of intoxification contributed greatly to the perceived effect of this event, but either way... After a night of partying in Montclaire at Hope's house, We decided that some Wendy's was in order. I love Wendy's. Their are no two ways about it. It's awesome. So, Everyone orders and gets their food. I, however am still standing there like a jackass waiting for my chicken nuggets. Anyhow, after like ... a while. ... I was too hosed to realize how long it really was I get my food. Unfortunately, by this time, I had finished my drink! Oh No! What many people don't know about Wendy's, is that they give free refills. Which, I think is awesome. Because they give you a new cup and everything. It's fantastic. But I digress.... So I kindly ask this lady if I could please have a refill on my coke. She bends down, gets the cup, (It was at the bottom because I ordered the absolute smallest one. Soda is fucking expensive.) and then puts ice in it. Then, FOR SOME MYSTERIOUS REASON, She goes into the back, WITH MY CUP! I swear, on something holy or valuable, or important, That I heard the distinct sound of her spitting in the cup. I seriously think I heard her hock one. So, she comes back, and fills up the drink, and gives it to me. I think then she smiled at me. Now, Any other person probably wouldn't have done anything to signify their knowledge of this event. However, I am not any other person. I made it a point to leave the FULL cup of soda on the table with the 'Diet' button pushed down. I think we both knew what was going on. Well ... maybe more her than me. Whatever.

And since this was a fantabulous three day weekend, we had what I like to call a 'Phantom Day.' It's a day where you are not sure how to feel, because it is Sunday, but there is no school the next day, and you've had the whole weekend behind you. It's awesome. So, I was just putzing around all night, dabbling with airplanes and shit. At nine thirty Jorge and I went to go meet Ashley at the dancing goat. We quickly realized that it was SUCK. So we left and wen't to Amy's. Their were a SHITLOAD of people there. I was baffled how so many people could be in one spot at the same time. Mostly by coincidence too. So, that was a good party. Their was a ton of musical goings on. Sadly, everytime I started to play an instrument, someone would be like, "Oh dude, Let me see that?!" and I would give it to them. Like the first two times I was like, Yeah, Im awesome at picking instruments, then I realized I must have sucked because they even took away my upside down bowl and single drum stick. Tear. It was a solid piece of percussion. Eventually, This all culminated in an all out Jam out session on Amy's porch. It was nuts. They even let me have the cow bell! I was so happy.

I slept in 'till like 11:30 today, until I was awakened from a call by Ashley. We went out to breakfast at Bagel. So quality. The number #1 is like... my life. I spent most of the day flying planes today. It was quality.

The highlight of my weekend though was seeing Lost in Translation (With Molly). I thought it would kind of suck, because Coppola's daughter is a woman and everyone knows women can't drive or direct movies. However, She might be able to direct. It's possible. It was a really good movie. Bill Murray is awesome. And, How can you go wrong with a japanese theme? The definite best thing about the movie was:

"For a good Time, Make it Santori time."

Truer words have never been spoken.

-Josh Ziering-

Brilliant.

2003-09-08T01:29:00.000-04:00

This weekend was awesome. I'm still reeling from the sheer greatness of it. If I had to equate it to something tangible, rather than just poorly used adjectives, I'd say it was like a punch in the face. But not the kind where you fall over and hold your jaw type of deal. The good kind. (What the hellllll?) So, from the get go, it was good. On Friday night, I came home, and found my driving sunglasses. As I was walking in to my house, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror with them on. God damn, I looked dangerous. For this reason, I have deemed them my multi-purpose bad ass sun glasses. I might even be wearing them now. ...I refuse to give a solid answer on that one. I also may refuse to turn on the lights. Muhahaha. I just hope that federal agents (with guns) bust into my room and catch me sitting here, in the dark, maybe wearing sunglasses looking badass. That's how I want to be hauled off to jail: Looking badass.

Saturday, I slept ... all day. I woke up just in time to go computer shopping with a fellow running for town council. He's running of the more engaging people I work for, as he has interesting (read: conservative) views on foreign policy. It was good, but for some reason he felt compelled to drive to nutley to get this computer. To me, it's all the same, since I'm getting paid. Nutley just seems so far... and for christ sake, It's named Nutley. I'm sure their is a kid out there somewhere named Nutley, and it's for him I feel the most sorry.

Saturday evening was mostly spent looking for liquor. I went to four different places with Andy. Since college started, everyone is carding now more than ever. It was the final place, Irvington House of Liquor that turned up fruitful. What a spectacular establishment. Shady as hell, and in a scary ass part of town. It turned out fine though. From there, I basically went to Amy Patierno's house for a small pseudo, 'let's have people over that over all the time anyway and call it a party' type of deal. It was quality. Among the people making appearances included Brian, Mike, Ashley, Amy (Obviously), and lots of other people. It was a good party. I was a designated driver, so, I didn't partake of any of the drinking festivities, but I wish I had. Jorge` taught everyone this awesome drinking game where you make a tower of cups and throw coins etc. It was awesome. I even got help engineer this elaborate cup tower. (That I am proud to say did not fall over). As soon as the party burst into a sing along, Molly called. (Be-U-tiful timing)

I dropped Jorge` off. And went to get Molly. Her parents were in between places, so it was cool for her to be going out at 11:30 at night. We went to star watch at this school in Millburn. It was quality, though everything you could ever hope to sit down on was soaking wet. That was the highlight of this awesome weekend. The 'knock out' punch so to speak. I totally didn't feel school tugging at my pant leg, like, "Josh, your not enjoying this really peaceful moment because you know that 30 hours from now, You'll be sitting in your first period class." It was amazing.

Then Sunday, I accidentally overslept again. I really need an alarm clock that works well, and loud. Like one that even when I tell it to snooze, It would just beep louder. I'll put that on my 'To invent' list. The list grows longer and longer everyday unforunately. I'll file that right behind ejection seat for cars ... and right before self clicking deodorant. So, after I took care of some very neccesary errands, I came home and went to 'breakfast' with mick. We went to bagel as usual. After that I went to fix his computer. It took like 10 minutes, and even though I had every intention to stay and chill, I had to get my stupid ass car home. I miss my car.

My brother has been begging me all week to take him to the airplane club. So went up there and had a grand old time. He crashed his favorite plane hardcore, but he still had an awesome time. I did too. Airplanes are great.

We came home to a great dinner. It was weird soup and bbq chicken. They didn't look like they go together very well, but they were collectively good. I frittered away the night online. I may have to start going out on school nights. If I were home by 11, What would be the big deal. It's 1:00 in the morning right now and I am just sitting around. If I went out I would be super tired. It would work out better than if I stay home. I almost don't want to go to sleep. Doing so would entail ending this awesome weekend.

It was simply brilliant.

-Josh

The Proverbial Table Tilts (My way this time)

2003-09-06T02:21:00.000-04:00

Firstly, I want to point out I can re-arrange the title to spell The Parboil Tab Let Slit. That out of the way, karma is a beautiful thing. I wrote a small paper this summer about practical applications of Karma for the atheist. Whatever the case, all of this good doing business I have been doing is coming back to help me out. For example, I got in line today to sign up for a gym class (Something I was not going to do) and I sign up, and then as soon as I walk out of the line, they say: "We would just like people with last names A-K signing up now" God bless America. Well, Let me start at the begining. I woke up this morning at 6:30. To a daytime sleeper like myself, that's bedtime. I was untired though. A quick shower, and I was off. I took the car to town. I pulled right into one of the good spots. The chateau was empty, and I sat and had a most enjoyable breakfast. I <3 The #1. It will always be #1 on my list. After a lovely drive to school, I sat in the parking lot and listened to Howard Stern for a few minutes. I'm not a huge fan because my Ex-Aunt loves to skank it up on his show, but whatever, it's something to entertain the brain in the morning.

Then I went to school. Then, School was over. (I'm not letting school control me anymore)

I went with Jorge` to play Soul Caliber 2 with Ashley and her broken ass nintendo game cube. Just a small note, I really would like to send an angry letter to the game designers. Their boob physics is some of the shoddiest I have seen. In my opinion, making boobs jiggle in games loses it's value. You know, no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, You are never ever going to see that boob naked. That boob is nippless. In fact, the very idea that it's a boob is only in your mind. Their is no boob.

Soul Caliber can tire one out very quickly. (Losing really takes it out of me) I went home, greeted the perrito and family. Then I decided, what the fuck, I need a haircut. I decided too much hair is bad. So, I told the guy (my guy) Phil to make it short. He asked me what number I wanted. I said ... 3 sounds about right, fully not knowing what the hell a 3 was. It's drastic. It's more than drastic. Right now, I look like a budding member of the KGB. In essence, I am one number away from having swastikas and burning crosses on me, and yelling "White Power!" at innapropriate moments. The best comment about the change was from Jorge`, "I ... liked it better before."

For the remainder of the afternoon I spent doing tech support calls. ...I was not successful at fixing a single on of them. It doesn't even bother me. Normally, this would drive me nuts. Not today. I let it ... just be. This is the first time I haven't let work stress carry over into other facets of life. Be it sitting around, or in the car. I simply wasn't worried. (Read: I don't give a fuck)

Molly called and informed me we were watching "Run Lola Run" in just a few minutes. Though the movie was in German, it wasn't bad. I really liked it. I thought the girls in the movie were ... to put this delicately ... ugly bitches. But nonetheless, their were some thematic elements I really liked. I saw some similiarities to the Matrix that I liked. Also, the sound track is ridiculous good. (That's like good, but better) It's very euro-centric. I love anything -centric I suppose .... except cons. Those + centric + circles are bad.

On the way home from Molly's house, this van is behind me. My spider sense was telling me something was up. Suddenly, I felt a vibrating in my pants. It was Ashley calling to tell me that the car tailgating me, was in fact her. She was with Megan MacPhee. They were on their way to see Anne. I was on my way to see Hunter and Andy. After a brief chatsky (I can say things like that now, I'm in the KGB comrade) with them I went to see Hunter. Where craziness ensued the rest of the night. (Read: 711 + Swings)

I can safely say this is one of the most awesome days I've had in a long time. Plus ... Mac OS X might be one of the sexiest operating systems ever developed and I have the privledge to be the administrator for the Newspaper. Shwing!

KRock keeps playing my songs. I wore two different socks, and both were comfortable. I will get out at 12:00 one day a week with my Lab scam. I feel fantastic. Finally things have stopped falling on me, and falling into place. I wish I could put this day in a bottle for a day when I know I will be bummered like hell about something stupid like school. Then I could just be like, oh look, 2003, September Chardonay. That was a good year!
*Pop*

-Josh

It was bound to happen ... since I hate to be bound.

2003-09-04T20:43:00.000-04:00

Well, School started today. I am now a Senior. Apart of the class of '04' .... It's obnoxious. The whole school thing is obnoxious. Their have been some noteable changes in my school. I don't like one of them. My favorite: Now, The 'administration' has deemed being able to exit out of the front entrance an upperclassmen privledge. I for one, Could care less. In my humble opinion, If you are not taking the morst direct, most efficient, fastest, route to get OUT OF THE SCHOOL, You sir, are a fucking idiot. (I just set the world record for most comma's in a sentence)

Admittedly, I have an awesome schedule. Three days a week, I haul myself out of school at 1:00pm. The other two, 2:00pm. The downside is that I don't have a lunch. I really don't care, as lunch is for suckers. Even with this awesome schedule, I feel like the school day is going to be ridiculously long. I felt it today, and we only had 38 minutes periods. When gym came around, and they had us just sitting there, I did something I swear I absolutely positively would not do. I cut like a disturbed twelve year old. It was like this other Josh came over me, and took me out the nearest exit. I mean, I tried, I really did. I chatted with Carolyn, with Joanna, with Buda. They all left to get on this big ass line to get a locker. I .... was going to stand in no such line. Next thing I know, I'm at Blimpies buying cookies. I must have blacked out and started doing bad things. Though, the bad things ended up being good. In front of me at Blimpie was Molly! It was a most excellent suprise. A most needed surpise. School sucks.

After school, I sat around in the computer lab doing bitch work for the newspaper. The school dosen't know it yet, but by the end of the year I intend to have total and complete ownership of their entire network. It's weird describing things in terms of school. After, before, during. My writing felt so much better when I wasn't constantly referencing things to the shittiest place in the world: Columbia High School in Maplewood New Jersey. (Sorry to be so detailed, but that will pop up in google, and people looking for maplewood can check out my blog)

I was so excited to drive to school and park in the senior lot lately. Unfortunately, as I am driving my car home yesterday from AAMCO I notice that the engine is overheating. As I take it to the gas station to get it fixed this skkkettchhhyyyy guy stops the Optimum Cablevision van he is driving and starts with this really sketchy thing. He was like "Yo, Could I ask you a question?" I was like, ...You're past the point of asking now. So he is like, word word, Some people just freak out round here. Then he shows me his hands, he's like, word man, im just drinking a beer, I'll put it down. Drinking and driving, What a fabulous duo. Then he starts telling me about he does wiring etc etc etc. He's babbling on and on. Anyway, I gave him a card. I figured what the hell, maybe he needs some computer work done. Scary guy. Now I'm kind of worried he's going to show up at my house one day. Obviously, I'm not super worried, but you know, drunk scary guys. Whatever.

I just got back from picking up my NEWLY fixed car. It runs, it doesn't overheat, It has a working transmission. Just in time for school.

I'm chewing on ice cubes but still my mind is still on fire. It's a fast burn.

-Josh

2003-09-01T02:25:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how much one's life can change in three days. It's almost incomprehensible. As is never the case with me, I am not sure where to begin. Let me try the beginning. On Friday, a foreign exchange student moved in next door to me. His name is Jorge`. He speaks very little english. Luckily for him, I speak a lot of bad spanish. He's going to be a junior. Since I am one of the only people his age, and one of the people he communicates best with, I felt a sense of duty to show him around. At first, I was unsure about being friends with a kid who was spanish. What could we have in common? I couldn't be more wrong. The first time I saw Jorge, he was juggling. Yes, that's right, he juggles. I juggle. ...Still what else could we have in common. For all I know he could have been in the circus. Jorge and me quickly got to talking after he briefly schooled me in juggling. He likes cold play, he likes nirvana, hell, he even likes frisbee. On top of all of this, he's just a cool guy. I realized I would have no qualms about taking him out with me.

I took him out with Molly, and Tanna. Prior to them getting in the car, he asked me if in America you greet girls by giving them two kisses. I told him, no, and that I was unaware of this custom. Damnit! This is something they should have been teaching me in spanish class all along. This seems a hell of a lot more practical than the 'vosotros' form of verbs. Needless to say, Jorge` was baffled by american women. I had only one thing to say to him: Welcome to the club.

I gave him the tour of the towns. He's never had a bagel before. He's never been in the suburbs before. It's amazing how different things are in Spain. He says that our neighborhood reminds him of the neighborhood in "American Pie." It dawned on me at this point that he is going to be hearing words that I am sure they didn't teach him in english class. I gave him a rundown of stupid american slang. 'Hate'(as in, dont hate on me) 'True'(as in, it's hot in here. True) 'Awesome' 'Cool' 'shit' 'fuck' 'ass' 'bullshit' These are things he is going to hear every day but he has no idea what they mean. Obviously, I asked him about curse words in spanish. Cabrone, Joder, Jeli-pollas, and Mierda were popular ones apparently.

So, for the past few days, Jorge and I have been hanging out a lot. I am proud to say, I have spoken more spanish than I ever have in my entire life. It's amazing how easy it is to talk spanish after you do it all the time. I'm REALLY happy I signed up for spanish this year. I have like the best possible dictionary ever sitting right next door. The fact that after we are done talking spanish we can just sit around and chill is awesome too. Also, Girls love Jorge`. I don't think he's met a girl yet that is not enthralled with his foreign cuteness.

So, I am happy he is fitting in well even if he understands very little.

I saw this independent film the other day called "Thirteen." ...What a skank fest. Sure, I enjoyed the movie. It was good. But it's accurate. There are a lot of little skanky girls running around doing drugs, older guys, and bad things. When I say little, I really mean it. Middle school little. Tamagochi little. Beanie baby little. It's scary. The whole night was fun. It was more fun (I want to say funner, but i'm cleaning up my grammar so jorge can understand better) because Molly was there. Their were certain parts of the movie where we both got the same reference at the same time. It was quality.

Unfortunately, the past three days have been a nightmare after I come home. Sure, I'm having great nights, but afterwards is a different story. Since my whole family has lost their mind,(Collectively...Think something like "The Borg") they wanted the house painted. Thusly, they have been displaced. Somehow, my clean (Read: barron), Inviting (Read: Cold) , private (Read: Open) room was inhabited. Suddenly a dog, a sister, and a brother lived with me. Suddenly, my life was a big ass sleep over. The most memorable night (Yes, I remember the nights since I'm not getting any sleeping done with all these people in my room) is when I was nearly asleep, and I feel two paws at the bottom of my bed. Apparently my brother got up and left at one point during the night for reasons unknown. Lonely and cold, my dog was looking for a warm bed. Though my dog was recently de-smelled, I didn't want to ruin my nice clean bed. I yelled and screamed at her for like a minute...or maybe just like 10 seconds. And as to the yelling and screaming, i'm not sure what I did. Probably something along the lines of "Get the hell away from here smelly ass." She aquiesced to my demands. Unfortunately, she was not happy about having nowhere cosy and warm to sleep and gave me several wet nose attacks through the course of the night. Insideous. Vicious. Diabolical.

I started watching "Bowling For Columbine" today, but got interrupted by stupid work telephone calls. Though they were of the monetary nature, being interrupted during a movie is never fun.

My phone got a new battery in the mail the other day from Verizon. It now will sustain a conversation for longer than ... well, convenience I suppose. It would always cut off at the most inconvenient time. So...I guess theoretically it would make a great way to measure the time of inconvenience. Ack, This is my life. Stupid science experiments. This is why school is bad. It squashes my idea side. Forget Math, forget language, forget history! My mind is much better occupied thinking about boobs and spaceships.

I leave you now. From my room filled with half drinken cups of apple juice, Entamanns donuts (which I am allergic to) and a barbie sleeping bag. (Not to mention several pairs of underwear that now adorn my room)

-Josh

2003-08-28T01:35:00.000-04:00

Today, I got up early as hell. I was up (and out of bed) at 8:00 am. I stumbled around for like 5 minutes. After I get up, and the air conditioner has been on all night, it's cold. After I get out of bed, it's like walking around on the moon without a space suit. As of late my room is very cold, very barron, and it has a grey floor. After a night out on the town so to speak, one could easily become very disoriented.

After getting up and navigating the vastness of space, I got in the car (which is pseudo mine) and I went to school. I have to schedule classes before school starts apparently? I was just going to wait until school started and wander into classes I think I'd like. Several people have advised me to the contrary. I'm happy I went in. I never really thought about looking at the schedule after I walked out, but it seems, I have a free 8 and 9 ... which is needless to say, fantastic. I have gym 7. As I outlined in my blog several times during Junior year, I can exploit the system to get out of gym. It's a cake walk. Fish in a barrel. Me in summer school for gym. ... Right. Shit. Well, I'll try harder this time .... not to get caught.

After that, I was on my way to work. I work in Clifton from time to time. It's crazy. As of late, I have become a parkway fiend. In doing this, I have learned that nobody REALLY drives 55, and that if you aren't going 70, your ass is getting passed. It's nice. Whatever. As I am driving through the EZ-Pass It says "Toll Unpaid, Drive thru" I was like perplexed. I have a terrible feeling now that their is a ticket with my license plate number coming to the house. It's not my fault, EZ-Pass is a fucking joke.

It was a most enjoyable drive. Sadly, contrary to my reputation (seriously) as a navigational Jedi, I got lost in Clifton. And as I'm sitting at a red light lost as hell, my car breaks down. It like ... fucks up and won't drive faster. So I cruised down this big ass hill 4 miles until I got where I was going. Crazy. Clifton is crazy. On the way back, my car was nearly overheating. The temperature gauge (Is that what you do to an eyeball?) was all the way to hot. I was worried as hell. Especially since my phone hangs up on phone calls longer than 5 minutes. You can understand the situation I was in. It was scary. Especially since the parkway runs through crazy bad parts of places.

After that terrible drive home, I hung out with Molly. It was awesome. We watched American Beauty. Which, Is now one of my favorite movies. For some reason, I have developed this non-sexual (Read it again, that's non, N-O-N as in No, Not, and nonsense) crush on Kevin Spacey. He's awesome. He's such a good actor. I just saw the usual suspects the other day, and it was awesome. I may name my kid Verbal now. American beauty was awesome because it put sluts in their place. I hate sluts. I want them put in their place. Stupid sluts. Stay in your place(s) sluts. (I like the way slut sounds)

After an awesome afternoon. I went to work at 7:00. It was not easy, but hey, it's work. Sadly, the client I was working for called me when I with Molly. Obviously I was not about to stop the movie for a business call. So I was like, Rachel tell him I'm in the shower. My sister, being the budding secretary that she is, had brought the phone with her and he had heard me yelll this. He was not pleased. I don't feel guilty. I work hard for everyone all the time. Today was a day off. I may take several more. I may take the rest of the summer off. I don't give a fuck about the petty people and their problems anymore. I swear, sometimes if I hear the word 'trouble' in relation to a computer, I may very well explode. If you walk through a puddle that resembles me, please, wipe your feet before going into your house. I'm tough to get out of carpet.

-Josh

2003-08-27T02:50:00.000-04:00

It's happened. I've found my idea. (For those of you that haven't been following, this is the one idea i've been searching for to make me rich) While driving to a late night Wendy's run with a Ms. Ashley Rutledge, I was blinded several time on the S curves by other drivers who either [stupidly] had their brights (I don't think that's a fucking word) on, or who had the new xenon "treat peoples cancer by driving" headlights. It occured to me. What if I concocted a potion of sorts to paint on your windshield. This potion would make it so bright lights wont blind you. It would still let light in, but it would just reduce the retinal damage incurred from driving. It's a solid idea. Now I just need to start finding substances that stick to windshields and thoroughly test them. Canidates: Choclate Syrup. Egg Yolk. A shaving cream derivative. Maple Syrup. Dog food? These things spring to mind because I find them often as ornamentation for windshields.

On another note, it's come to my attention that many people have received their schedules. This is awesome. I have not. I mean, sure, I didn't sign up for classes, but shit. They could send me a note saying get your lazy fucking ass out of bed. ...Like I read the mail anyway. The point is, if my anti-blinding solution ever becomes popular, I fully plan to buy Columbia High School(By that time it will be possible, since the budget is terrible), and make it the next biosphere project. Like turn the C wing into a giant piece of polar ice cap. The D wing would be tropical rain forest since it's always hot as a mother fucker, and A wing can be temperate something or other. The B wing is obviously the plains since it's barron as hell. I've had like two classes there ever.

Shawn MacArthur (Of Stephanie MacArthur fame) lost a huge bet today it seems, and therefore, likes the cock.
(It's a simple matter of deduction)

I should stop putting so much shit in parenthesis. It just goes to show how many levels I think on. (A number of those levels are devoted to basic function, and are therefore not accessible via parenthesis.)

-Josh
(Listening to "Chevelle - Send the pain below, eat shit and die mother fuckers. ....well maybe not that last part"

2003-08-25T05:49:00.000-04:00

Damnit blogger. It's obvious that this scheme was hatched under the most pressing of circumstances. In my apparent rush to create the most amazing blog ever known to man ....I mistyped Hsoj. Intstead I entered Hosj. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why my blog wouldn't work. Mind you, I am a computer security professional. People pay me obscene amounts of money to help them with problems much like this one. If I were helping someone fix this, it would take 2 mins. Because I am a jackass, I just spent like 20 minutes going through, "404, What the hell? Eat shit and die blogger. I should haxx0r you g00d." Alas, It's 6:00am right now. That's a bummer.

On the upside, I found this magnet the other day at Seven Eleven stuck to the side of the ATM machine. It proclaims "NJ's Largest Adult Entertainer: Lady Di Dancers" The pinnacle of the magnet is the contact. The person who runs this whole Adult Entertainment Magnet Ring Industry is named: Stan, Stan "The Man"

I can't help but stop any wonder how much better my life would be if people called me Stan "The Man"

-Josh
(Currently listening to: Dashboard Confessional - Again I go Unnoticed)

2003-08-25T05:42:00.000-04:00

Like most bad ideas, this one started late at night. You see, it's 5:00am in the morning right now. It's monday. About an hour ago I got the worst feeling of desperation I have ever gotten in my entire life. School starts in mere days. I felt like I needed to do something productive before it started and totally sucked the life force out of me.

Unfortunately for me, I suffer from an affliction known as whereitis (Derived from the same latin root as wherewolf). It's a serious condition affecting one out of every five tall pasty(or is that a typo for tasty) ass white boys every year (See: Biggass Dorkus). The symptoms varies from individual to individual. You may see your dork begin to wear lots of black clothes. You may even see black fingernails or hair in extreme cases. Take action! Your dork as entered a state of mourning. If your dork happens to be enrolled in school, their is nothing you can do for him. Patience, understanding, and maybe some nail polish remover are the only plausible solutions.

I'm bored like hell. This was a good way to kill a half hour. It's funny. I'll write for myself, and the amusement of others on my own accord. If one were to place a due date on such an event, it would never get done. Perplexing.

For diagnosis purposes, Consult this picture: