Thursday, August 28, 2003
Today, I got up early as hell. I was up (and out of bed) at 8:00 am. I stumbled around for like 5 minutes. After I get up, and the air conditioner has been on all night, it's cold. After I get out of bed, it's like walking around on the moon without a space suit. As of late my room is very cold, very barron, and it has a grey floor. After a night out on the town so to speak, one could easily become very disoriented.
After getting up and navigating the vastness of space, I got in the car (which is pseudo mine) and I went to school. I have to schedule classes before school starts apparently? I was just going to wait until school started and wander into classes I think I'd like. Several people have advised me to the contrary. I'm happy I went in. I never really thought about looking at the schedule after I walked out, but it seems, I have a free 8 and 9 ... which is needless to say, fantastic. I have gym 7. As I outlined in my blog several times during Junior year, I can exploit the system to get out of gym. It's a cake walk. Fish in a barrel. Me in summer school for gym. ... Right. Shit. Well, I'll try harder this time .... not to get caught.
After that, I was on my way to work. I work in Clifton from time to time. It's crazy. As of late, I have become a parkway fiend. In doing this, I have learned that nobody REALLY drives 55, and that if you aren't going 70, your ass is getting passed. It's nice. Whatever. As I am driving through the EZ-Pass It says "Toll Unpaid, Drive thru" I was like perplexed. I have a terrible feeling now that their is a ticket with my license plate number coming to the house. It's not my fault, EZ-Pass is a fucking joke.
It was a most enjoyable drive. Sadly, contrary to my reputation (seriously) as a navigational Jedi, I got lost in Clifton. And as I'm sitting at a red light lost as hell, my car breaks down. It like ... fucks up and won't drive faster. So I cruised down this big ass hill 4 miles until I got where I was going. Crazy. Clifton is crazy. On the way back, my car was nearly overheating. The temperature gauge (Is that what you do to an eyeball?) was all the way to hot. I was worried as hell. Especially since my phone hangs up on phone calls longer than 5 minutes. You can understand the situation I was in. It was scary. Especially since the parkway runs through crazy bad parts of places.
After that terrible drive home, I hung out with Molly. It was awesome. We watched American Beauty. Which, Is now one of my favorite movies. For some reason, I have developed this non-sexual (Read it again, that's non, N-O-N as in No, Not, and nonsense) crush on Kevin Spacey. He's awesome. He's such a good actor. I just saw the usual suspects the other day, and it was awesome. I may name my kid Verbal now. American beauty was awesome because it put sluts in their place. I hate sluts. I want them put in their place. Stupid sluts. Stay in your place(s) sluts. (I like the way slut sounds)
After an awesome afternoon. I went to work at 7:00. It was not easy, but hey, it's work. Sadly, the client I was working for called me when I with Molly. Obviously I was not about to stop the movie for a business call. So I was like, Rachel tell him I'm in the shower. My sister, being the budding secretary that she is, had brought the phone with her and he had heard me yelll this. He was not pleased. I don't feel guilty. I work hard for everyone all the time. Today was a day off. I may take several more. I may take the rest of the summer off. I don't give a fuck about the petty people and their problems anymore. I swear, sometimes if I hear the word 'trouble' in relation to a computer, I may very well explode. If you walk through a puddle that resembles me, please, wipe your feet before going into your house. I'm tough to get out of carpet.
-Josh
After getting up and navigating the vastness of space, I got in the car (which is pseudo mine) and I went to school. I have to schedule classes before school starts apparently? I was just going to wait until school started and wander into classes I think I'd like. Several people have advised me to the contrary. I'm happy I went in. I never really thought about looking at the schedule after I walked out, but it seems, I have a free 8 and 9 ... which is needless to say, fantastic. I have gym 7. As I outlined in my blog several times during Junior year, I can exploit the system to get out of gym. It's a cake walk. Fish in a barrel. Me in summer school for gym. ... Right. Shit. Well, I'll try harder this time .... not to get caught.
After that, I was on my way to work. I work in Clifton from time to time. It's crazy. As of late, I have become a parkway fiend. In doing this, I have learned that nobody REALLY drives 55, and that if you aren't going 70, your ass is getting passed. It's nice. Whatever. As I am driving through the EZ-Pass It says "Toll Unpaid, Drive thru" I was like perplexed. I have a terrible feeling now that their is a ticket with my license plate number coming to the house. It's not my fault, EZ-Pass is a fucking joke.
It was a most enjoyable drive. Sadly, contrary to my reputation (seriously) as a navigational Jedi, I got lost in Clifton. And as I'm sitting at a red light lost as hell, my car breaks down. It like ... fucks up and won't drive faster. So I cruised down this big ass hill 4 miles until I got where I was going. Crazy. Clifton is crazy. On the way back, my car was nearly overheating. The temperature gauge (Is that what you do to an eyeball?) was all the way to hot. I was worried as hell. Especially since my phone hangs up on phone calls longer than 5 minutes. You can understand the situation I was in. It was scary. Especially since the parkway runs through crazy bad parts of places.
After that terrible drive home, I hung out with Molly. It was awesome. We watched American Beauty. Which, Is now one of my favorite movies. For some reason, I have developed this non-sexual (Read it again, that's non, N-O-N as in No, Not, and nonsense) crush on Kevin Spacey. He's awesome. He's such a good actor. I just saw the usual suspects the other day, and it was awesome. I may name my kid Verbal now. American beauty was awesome because it put sluts in their place. I hate sluts. I want them put in their place. Stupid sluts. Stay in your place(s) sluts. (I like the way slut sounds)
After an awesome afternoon. I went to work at 7:00. It was not easy, but hey, it's work. Sadly, the client I was working for called me when I with Molly. Obviously I was not about to stop the movie for a business call. So I was like, Rachel tell him I'm in the shower. My sister, being the budding secretary that she is, had brought the phone with her and he had heard me yelll this. He was not pleased. I don't feel guilty. I work hard for everyone all the time. Today was a day off. I may take several more. I may take the rest of the summer off. I don't give a fuck about the petty people and their problems anymore. I swear, sometimes if I hear the word 'trouble' in relation to a computer, I may very well explode. If you walk through a puddle that resembles me, please, wipe your feet before going into your house. I'm tough to get out of carpet.
-Josh
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
It's happened. I've found my idea. (For those of you that haven't been following, this is the one idea i've been searching for to make me rich) While driving to a late night Wendy's run with a Ms. Ashley Rutledge, I was blinded several time on the S curves by other drivers who either [stupidly] had their brights (I don't think that's a fucking word) on, or who had the new xenon "treat peoples cancer by driving" headlights. It occured to me. What if I concocted a potion of sorts to paint on your windshield. This potion would make it so bright lights wont blind you. It would still let light in, but it would just reduce the retinal damage incurred from driving. It's a solid idea. Now I just need to start finding substances that stick to windshields and thoroughly test them. Canidates: Choclate Syrup. Egg Yolk. A shaving cream derivative. Maple Syrup. Dog food? These things spring to mind because I find them often as ornamentation for windshields.
On another note, it's come to my attention that many people have received their schedules. This is awesome. I have not. I mean, sure, I didn't sign up for classes, but shit. They could send me a note saying get your lazy fucking ass out of bed. ...Like I read the mail anyway. The point is, if my anti-blinding solution ever becomes popular, I fully plan to buy Columbia High School(By that time it will be possible, since the budget is terrible), and make it the next biosphere project. Like turn the C wing into a giant piece of polar ice cap. The D wing would be tropical rain forest since it's always hot as a mother fucker, and A wing can be temperate something or other. The B wing is obviously the plains since it's barron as hell. I've had like two classes there ever.
Shawn MacArthur (Of Stephanie MacArthur fame) lost a huge bet today it seems, and therefore, likes the cock.
(It's a simple matter of deduction)
I should stop putting so much shit in parenthesis. It just goes to show how many levels I think on. (A number of those levels are devoted to basic function, and are therefore not accessible via parenthesis.)
-Josh
(Listening to "Chevelle - Send the pain below, eat shit and die mother fuckers. ....well maybe not that last part"
On another note, it's come to my attention that many people have received their schedules. This is awesome. I have not. I mean, sure, I didn't sign up for classes, but shit. They could send me a note saying get your lazy fucking ass out of bed. ...Like I read the mail anyway. The point is, if my anti-blinding solution ever becomes popular, I fully plan to buy Columbia High School(By that time it will be possible, since the budget is terrible), and make it the next biosphere project. Like turn the C wing into a giant piece of polar ice cap. The D wing would be tropical rain forest since it's always hot as a mother fucker, and A wing can be temperate something or other. The B wing is obviously the plains since it's barron as hell. I've had like two classes there ever.
Shawn MacArthur (Of Stephanie MacArthur fame) lost a huge bet today it seems, and therefore, likes the cock.
(It's a simple matter of deduction)
I should stop putting so much shit in parenthesis. It just goes to show how many levels I think on. (A number of those levels are devoted to basic function, and are therefore not accessible via parenthesis.)
-Josh
(Listening to "Chevelle - Send the pain below, eat shit and die mother fuckers. ....well maybe not that last part"
Monday, August 25, 2003
Damnit blogger. It's obvious that this scheme was hatched under the most pressing of circumstances. In my apparent rush to create the most amazing blog ever known to man ....I mistyped Hsoj. Intstead I entered Hosj. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why my blog wouldn't work. Mind you, I am a computer security professional. People pay me obscene amounts of money to help them with problems much like this one. If I were helping someone fix this, it would take 2 mins. Because I am a jackass, I just spent like 20 minutes going through, "404, What the hell? Eat shit and die blogger. I should haxx0r you g00d." Alas, It's 6:00am right now. That's a bummer.
On the upside, I found this magnet the other day at Seven Eleven stuck to the side of the ATM machine. It proclaims "NJ's Largest Adult Entertainer: Lady Di Dancers" The pinnacle of the magnet is the contact. The person who runs this whole Adult Entertainment Magnet Ring Industry is named: Stan, Stan "The Man"
I can't help but stop any wonder how much better my life would be if people called me Stan "The Man"
-Josh
(Currently listening to: Dashboard Confessional - Again I go Unnoticed)
On the upside, I found this magnet the other day at Seven Eleven stuck to the side of the ATM machine. It proclaims "NJ's Largest Adult Entertainer: Lady Di Dancers" The pinnacle of the magnet is the contact. The person who runs this whole Adult Entertainment Magnet Ring Industry is named: Stan, Stan "The Man"
I can't help but stop any wonder how much better my life would be if people called me Stan "The Man"
-Josh
(Currently listening to: Dashboard Confessional - Again I go Unnoticed)
Like most bad ideas, this one started late at night. You see, it's 5:00am in the morning right now. It's monday. About an hour ago I got the worst feeling of desperation I have ever gotten in my entire life. School starts in mere days. I felt like I needed to do something productive before it started and totally sucked the life force out of me.
Unfortunately for me, I suffer from an affliction known as whereitis (Derived from the same latin root as wherewolf). It's a serious condition affecting one out of every five tall pasty(or is that a typo for tasty) ass white boys every year (See: Biggass Dorkus). The symptoms varies from individual to individual. You may see your dork begin to wear lots of black clothes. You may even see black fingernails or hair in extreme cases. Take action! Your dork as entered a state of mourning. If your dork happens to be enrolled in school, their is nothing you can do for him. Patience, understanding, and maybe some nail polish remover are the only plausible solutions.
I'm bored like hell. This was a good way to kill a half hour. It's funny. I'll write for myself, and the amusement of others on my own accord. If one were to place a due date on such an event, it would never get done. Perplexing.
For diagnosis purposes, Consult this picture:
Unfortunately for me, I suffer from an affliction known as whereitis (Derived from the same latin root as wherewolf). It's a serious condition affecting one out of every five tall pasty(or is that a typo for tasty) ass white boys every year (See: Biggass Dorkus). The symptoms varies from individual to individual. You may see your dork begin to wear lots of black clothes. You may even see black fingernails or hair in extreme cases. Take action! Your dork as entered a state of mourning. If your dork happens to be enrolled in school, their is nothing you can do for him. Patience, understanding, and maybe some nail polish remover are the only plausible solutions.
I'm bored like hell. This was a good way to kill a half hour. It's funny. I'll write for myself, and the amusement of others on my own accord. If one were to place a due date on such an event, it would never get done. Perplexing.
For diagnosis purposes, Consult this picture:
